TK’s Blog
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I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore
The past several years felt like a waste and I didn’t want to lose any more — no more loss of people I love and no more lost time. I had to keep my foot on the gas 24/7. I didn’t realize it until later, but I was running away from loss. My therapist brought it up. My dad called it out. My mentor reminded me. I was so afraid of facing loss again that I packed my days in an effort to avoid it. When I found myself staring at it again, I hit a wall so hard that placed me in quicksand. The words escaped my lips yet again, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” It felt like I was drowning and I had no idea what to do next.
I Lost My Brothers Then Lost Myself. Where Do We Go From Here?
Losing my brothers broke my heart. I did my best to hold it together, but things never seemed to slow down for me. They still haven’t. The proverbial advice one would share here is that sometimes things have to fall apart in order for you to rebuild them to how they are supposed to be. From where I stand, it is the only explanation I can provide for the last few years of my life. There’s no solace there. It’s just life or the things that are left of the life I planned for.