TK’s Blog
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A Beginner’s Guide To Checking On Your Strong Friend
Ever wonder how your strong friend is keeping it together when there is so much going on? Despite how tough things appear to be, they continue to be there for others. They’re optimistic. They bring smiles to everyone else’s face when they’re around. They know all the right things to say to help others feel better. You know your strong friend has their own battles, but you’re not exactly sure how to approach being there for them.
A Black Man’s Guide To Therapy . . . Just Do It
I should have begun therapy long before I ever did, but I grew up with the misguided belief it meant I was weak and couldn’t handle the rollercoaster of this life like a man should be able to. I was foolish. With the amount of weight I carried, there’s no wonder I eventually fell apart the way I did.
I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore
The past several years felt like a waste and I didn’t want to lose any more — no more loss of people I love and no more lost time. I had to keep my foot on the gas 24/7. I didn’t realize it until later, but I was running away from loss. My therapist brought it up. My dad called it out. My mentor reminded me. I was so afraid of facing loss again that I packed my days in an effort to avoid it. When I found myself staring at it again, I hit a wall so hard that placed me in quicksand. The words escaped my lips yet again, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” It felt like I was drowning and I had no idea what to do next.
Don’t Wait To Plant The Seeds
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant one is right now.”
I have been sitting with this quote for the past week now, because it speaks to the growth process and the importance of this moment. We can spend a lot of time worrying about what we failed to do yesterday, but often need to remind ourselves of how much power exists in being present.
You Don’t Have All The Answers
You’re the one.
That’s what I’ve heard all of my life. You’re the one. Can you imagine how frustrating it is when everyone else says that and life is kicking your ass? That’s part of my story. I’m not sharing this to be a braggart or to boast. I’ve heard it over and again. Candidly, it’s one of the many reasons I hid myself from judgement. It can become extremely uncomfortable when others have high expectations of you
I Almost Gave Up, But . . .
You ever hear that you don’t know what’s hiding behind a smile? I can tell you . . . I hid a lot behind mine. It’s not a badge of honor. I just figured that is what I was supposed to do. Asking for help was a sign of weakness. I wish I would have known better a lot sooner.
I Prayed About It
The pain of wishing I was able to do more for everyone hasn’t gone away. I’ve just grown accustomed to the idea that this is the way things are — at least for now.
Somebody Loves You
I spent a lot of time being upset with God about all of this. I spent a lot of time being upset with myself. Birthdays, holidays, the days my brothers passed etc. all bring emotions to the surface that I’m never sure how I’m going to handle.
Another Day Might Be Too Long
I am not here to tell you everything you’re after comes to you immediately. Instant gratification is not what we’re after, but we can certainly change our lives for the better one day at at time.
You Don’t Have Time To Waste
Someone stated to me in a recent conversation that they believe I’m unwilling to take a break, because I’m afraid to lose something else. The statement caught me off guard, because there is truth to it. Life can be pretty unforgiving and I have been in a space where I wasn’t happy with the results. It’s not fun. Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, I’m heavily invested in my growth though.
Don’t Let The Pain Win
I woke up from the same nightmare I have been having for 2 years. My heart was beating rapidly and the darkness of the room covered all of the space around me. As much as I’d like to convince myself otherwise, there might not be such a thing as being completely healed. At least those are the cards I have been dealt.
I had no idea what depression and anxiety truly looked like until the events in my life brought a level of chaos to my doorsteps that was impossible to outrun. It felt abnormal. How could it happen? I worked on myself to prepare for the pain, but the beast was much larger than I anticipated.
The Secret Is Out
This work is tough. To believe every day, to love every day, to learn every day is not for the feeble minded. It requires a strong mind and a huge heart. I might not be exactly where I want to be, but i am not close to where I was. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. If it’s worth it, it’s not likely to be easy. I am a work in progress to say the least, but I am grateful. I know the work that needs to be done.
I Know Why I’m Here
When you’re going through difficult times, you’ll hear all kinds of proverbial phrases:
Trouble doesn’t last always.
There is a purpose in every storm.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no testimony without a test.
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.
The list goes on…
INDEPENDENT, Do You Know What that Means?
My operations have historically been a bit different than most. There’s just something about not doing what the crowd does that suits me. For a period, I lost that and life humbled me. When I sit back to reflect, I am fully aware of all of the time I cannot get back and that drives me to aim higher. As the saying goes, the best way to predict your future is to create it. I am grateful to be creating from a much better place now.
It’s Not Over, Because I’m Not Done
I couldn’t possibly be the same person I was before all of the suffering I experienced or even the pain I caused, personally or professionally. Unfortunately, I cannot change it. As much as we might try to fix certain things in our lives, there will always be something that is beyond our control. In this case, our only option is to let go.
It’s Too Much. What Happens if I Quit?
It’s too much.
I was on fire all of the time. It did not matter what the situation was. Whether I was sitting on the couch, working out or attempting to sleep, my body felt like an inferno. My legs would shake uncontrollably as if I was experiencing spasms. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I told myself that for a long time. I used to have nightmares of an untimely passing. Growing up in the environment I did made it feel likely. After feeling my whole life that I wouldn’t be here too long, I became overwhelmed with that feeling over the last two years.