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Don’t Panic. 3 Things That Might Help You Regain Control When You Feel Overwhelmed
The first time I can recall having what I eventually learned was a panic attack; I felt disappointed in myself for not being in control. It was July of 2021, and everything I believed about myself was questioned. I checked my accounts and realized I lost more money than before. I needed to find a therapist, finalize an attorney, and I could feel something else was on the horizon. My life was not going as planned.
I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore
The past several years felt like a waste and I didn’t want to lose any more — no more loss of people I love and no more lost time. I had to keep my foot on the gas 24/7. I didn’t realize it until later, but I was running away from loss. My therapist brought it up. My dad called it out. My mentor reminded me. I was so afraid of facing loss again that I packed my days in an effort to avoid it. When I found myself staring at it again, I hit a wall so hard that placed me in quicksand. The words escaped my lips yet again, “I don’t want to be here anymore.” It felt like I was drowning and I had no idea what to do next.
I Almost Gave Up, But . . .
You ever hear that you don’t know what’s hiding behind a smile? I can tell you . . . I hid a lot behind mine. It’s not a badge of honor. I just figured that is what I was supposed to do. Asking for help was a sign of weakness. I wish I would have known better a lot sooner.
Don’t Let The Pain Win
I woke up from the same nightmare I have been having for 2 years. My heart was beating rapidly and the darkness of the room covered all of the space around me. As much as I’d like to convince myself otherwise, there might not be such a thing as being completely healed. At least those are the cards I have been dealt.
I had no idea what depression and anxiety truly looked like until the events in my life brought a level of chaos to my doorsteps that was impossible to outrun. It felt abnormal. How could it happen? I worked on myself to prepare for the pain, but the beast was much larger than I anticipated.
It’s Not Over, Because I’m Not Done
I couldn’t possibly be the same person I was before all of the suffering I experienced or even the pain I caused, personally or professionally. Unfortunately, I cannot change it. As much as we might try to fix certain things in our lives, there will always be something that is beyond our control. In this case, our only option is to let go.